Penelope Spheeris will never read this, obviously. But if she were, I have a open sales pitch for her. I mean, I sat through Senseless, it’s the least she can do for me as an apology.
Your documentaries are awesome. Decline Of Western Civilization I was awe-inspiring, Part III was absolutely gripping seeing the “crust punk” sub-culture. And of course Part II was the crown jewel in your career thus far. It is simply one of the, if not THE, greatest music documentary ever made. I should do a glowing write-up of it some time. Or better yet, attempt a “Where Are They Now?” post on it.
Seeing it again the other day made me think: it’s time for Part IV. But not on rock, that shit is too boring these days to deserve a documentary. What, you think sticking a camera in front of Nickelback or Green Day would get you anything more entertaining than filming paint dry? No, it’s time to explore the wild and wonderful world of Hip Hop.
It has been the most beloved music of the kiddies since the 90s, it’s filled with more than enough colorful characters to make a captivating documentary (despite what “The Show” may have shown you. Goddamn that was a dull movie....) And it has everything Decline Part II had....but bigger and better.
You can find the music veterans like Chuck D, KRS One, Dr. Dre, and Ice-T to play the role held by Lemmy, Alice Cooper and Tyler & Perry. The ones who have been there, done that, and earned the right to look down their noses at those kids today.
You have scores of goofy white rappers pretending to be from the streets to play the role of “deluded clowns” that Odin occupied in Part II.
You have thousands of so-called “Hip Hop Honey’s” or “Video Vixens” to choose from. I know one of them can give you a comparable lulz-inducing quote to match “I’m Working On My Actressing.”
If you plied Lil’ Wayne with enough Sizzurp, I’m sure he could give you a Chris Holmes moment.
You can go track down Soulja Boy to play Faster Pussycat’s role of “cocky young star who already thinks he’s equal to the legends.”
A new edition could be tracking down some of flash-in-the-pan bling bling rappers from earlier this decade who are broke and have them admit the jewelry, cars and other lavish items they flashed weren’t really there’s.
Another new edition could be doing going on a fact-finding mission of some gangsta rapper’s past and hit him with the info on camera that he wouldn’t want the music buying public to know. And beyond stuff already known like 50 Cent posing for a picture with Bette Middler or Rick Ross being an ex-Corrections Officer. Something like The Game collects Beanie Babies or discovering Suge Knight loves the Twilight series. Rappers have dark secrets.
And that’s just a small sampling of ideas on how great this film could be. Then you could toss on Nas or Mos Def at the end like you did for Megadeth to show the juxtaposition of how “real” musicians will always get longevity while trend-hoppers never last.
So, please, make this happen.
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